A Perverted Yoko's Written Desires
by PhoenixDiamond
Summary: Through less then shameless letters, Yoko confesses his undying desires to molest the bodies of his young team mates. But the Spirit Gang won't exactly be thrilled to hear how Yoko wants to 'Ravish Their Taunting Bodies' & write very pissed responses.
1. Dear Hiei

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of the Yu Yu Hakusho gang. They all belong to the Yoshihiro Togashi crew and whoever else helped with the show's creation. I only own the perverted nonsense about to spawn randomly by the all perverted Yoko Kurama.

**Author's Rant:** Alright everyone since I gain some great reviews for **'Dear Fool'** I've decided to try another 'Dear such and such' series. Only this time Yoko Kurama will be sending out some highly perverted letters explaining his perverse desires for his team mates. Of course all of these will be one-sided interests. The others are going to be pissed. ^_^ I'll be putting in the proper ratings for each chapter in my warnings.

**Warning: **This chapter is Rated M for a reason. A high level of yaoi mention. Don't like don't read. Very naughty thoughts displayed on paper. So no underage readers please ^_^.

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><p>Dear Hiei,<p>

Since the time of our first acquaintance in the dark tournament, my thoughts have been plagued with ideals of ravishing your tantalizing body.

Of course, I'm sure this may come as a speechless shock to you as read these words written by yours truly but I cannot deny what I have since wanted of you for so long.

Yes I am aware of the utter powerful radiance my enchanting beauty that seems to fall in the tastes of males and females of all species. You will no doubt be any different in the obvious attraction towards me and easily fall victim to my charismatic charms. It's a curse I am happily blessed with that will ensure my formulated plan of forcing your miniature body in my bedding, to become a success.

During those nights of cooled evening under the stars I've watched the sweat glisten off of your peach tanned muscles, slowly pearling down the curves of each crease till dripping off the small of your back into a world, I shall soon plunge my raging manhood in.

Yes I know your sexuality doesn't stray towards the same as your own gender but I can promise after a night of having my flaming wood in your scorching fireplace, you will think otherwise.

The way I've seen you grasp the hilt of your katana from the top to the steeled halt resembles the exact feel of my own fingers reaching down to clamp over the burning knot stiffening in my pants as I imagine you withering beneath me.

Soon you will also grace my hot hard-on with the curl of those fingers and swing and stroke it just as you would when combating an enemy. Yes my stony blade of fleshy desires will soon replace the praise you used to only hold dear for your sword.

Be grateful that Inari has graced me with the willpower of a Class S demon that I never think to act on my desires and rip those naughty pants off juicy thighs concealing a forbidden sin.

The sight of blood that slides from the minor cuts of self-infliction reminds me of the same crimson goodness that'll fall from your puckered hole once being forced to engulf the sheath of my dick in its entirety. The mixture of your beautiful ruby fluids shall mesh handsomely with the sight of my creamy goodness pouring down the inside of your thighs.

As you know, your name represents the shadows of darkness, however it will soon be a forgotten title as the only label I shall allow to leave from your rosy lips is mine. Your voice will tremble with a hoarse rasp, as you scream _'Yoko, Yoko has returned they cry_.' Ah it will be a name to be remembered by all who hear your delicious voice, bellow it over the rising valleys of Makai.

I shall relish in your heavenly cries shrilling to the skies upon our bonded climax over and over again until you reach an inhuman octave loud enough to break the thickest crystal. The finishing stage will come in the hum of your angelic purr burrowing in the span of my chest as I hold you contently under my arm and we rest the night away under the stars.

How can I imagine such things of you, you wonder? This is no fault of mine for I blame you for being the delectable disease that happily flits from tree to tree like a bird of paradise. Yes, yes a wondrous Eden I shall soon deflower of its glorified innocence.

You think I'm not aware of your lack of male occupants? I've learn of such a fact from my other half and yes it'll be a problem soon rectified upon my return to you again.

I blame you for reducing the Almighty Yoko Kurama for being forced to withhold his sexual greed of tearing your sumptuous body to shreds. Yes I blame all of my shameless perversity on you.

It is you who enjoys prancing around with the top portion of your clothing gone.

It is you who delights in showcasing your fiery spunk when defying us all.

It is you who dares to convert the ruby glint of your eyes to a sizzling glare when looking upon me.

You think these flirtiest things will go past unnoticed? Or are you content on purposely teasing me with something you believe I won't steal for my treasures? Don't fake ignorance of this my pet. You obviously wish for Yoko Kurama to pursue you in the most devious of fashions. Your sacred treasures will be mine to command.

And yes by treasures I speak of the vermillion pearl clasped between your tightened folds. It'll be claimed in the same vicious motion as my Vine of the Binding Fist stabbing through my prey. A thought I'm sure arouses you as evident as the surfacing tent sticking from my hakama.

Why must you publicly deny your affections toward the silver fox, Little Fire Spark? The spouted verbs of heated rage from your smooth lips, only furthers my desires to own you.

Ah, yes those gorgeous lips. The very same pair that will someday milk the very seed, I plan to spill into the sweeten heat of your cavern. You will wail in agony from the overflowing rivers of bitter creams pouring from your insides as the slushed pop of my knot eases away from your body.

Be cautious of my Glorious Knot of a Thousand Wonders, Little One. Yoko Kurama's knotting prick is no small delight. I easily rival that of the largest demons during intimacy. Don't believe me? Don't worry. It's a fact I'll soon rectify in the throes of our upcoming passion.

As much as I rave in writing more and more of my upcoming mirth of taking you, it is time I take my leave of describing my visit to molesting that charming package, gift wrapped nicely for me. I thank you for being so kind as to keep my goods from the prying eyes of any other potential competitors. It wouldn't be an honest deed if you so evilly displayed out my values for others to see now would it? I, Yoko Kurama, could not dream of another tearing away at your untouched bud shall be fertilized by my salty seed alone.

For now I shall have completed explaining my claims for you in this letter. Though it may be forever and a day before I receive a response because of your fetish for darting to and fro between trees, I look forward from hearing from you soon.

So all I will say is run run, run little one for one day I will catch you and the peached petals of your squeezed lusciousness.

Signed Your King of Thieves

Yoko Kurama.

P.S. Please excuse the small white stain laced on the corner of the page. My last letters were met with an unfortunate 'accident' of a pre-ejaculated mistake and this one was the only survivor to miss the blunt of my heightened completion.

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><p><strong>TBC: Yes I know, this wasn't exactly funny, but work with me here. The funny letters will come from the RESPONSES Yoko receives from the people who RECEIVES these perverted letters lol. Stay tuned for Hiei's reaction ^_^<strong>


	2. Dear Perverted Youko

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** Yahh I see some of you actually like the whole idea. Oh and to answer a question, Yoko's letters will be rated M because hey he's a pervert but the other's will be rated T. But I reallllly hope you guys find Hiei's response funny lol.

**Warning:** Rated T for language and a very angry Hiei. ^_^

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><p>Dear <em>My<em> King Of Thieves?, I think not.

By some cruel cosmic joke I believe was conjured up by the gods themselves (Namely Koenma), I've received your stained letter of supposed love?

Are you somehow suffering from some form of terminal disease that's fried your brain into writing me this sinfully disgusting letter? What the hell is the matter with you?

You're damned right I'm shocked to be getting this letter from you and what radiate beauty are you talking about? All I see is an insane sexual maniac trying to work his way into seducing his own partner.

Seriously your charismatic charms? A blessing that'll force me into your bedding? Unbelievable! What makes this so painfully aggravating is that each word written was meant in the most serious fashion. How fucking dare you think that I'd want to touch any of your decrypted ass. YOU'RE OLD YOU FOOL! I DON'T FUCK ANCIENT CARCASSES!

As a matter of fact, I DON'T FUCK MALES EITHER!

And now thanks to you, I've become quite mindful of where I train during the late evenings to ensure my '_peach tanned muscles, glistened in sweat'_ don't arouse any future perverts like you who want to pludge their raging manhoods in my lower world of forbidden entry.

If you're aware that my sexuality doesn't stray towards men then why in the hell would you want to write this abominable disgrace of words to me? Were you honestly hoping that your flaming wood would somehow—

….Oh my God….

What the fuck? Your flaming wood? Really? Being engulfed in my scorching fireplace? Namely my behind?

Then you mean to tell me you're actually get off on seeing me grasp the hilt of my sword? Are you that depraved of sexual pleasures that the smallest form of attack turns you on? You sickened silver fen! Why would I want to stroke your stony blade of fleshy desires? Or was it your burning knot?

Disgusting.

Again I must ask, are the functions of that organ trapped in your skull working properly?

...*_Snarls angrily pulling at dark hair and continues writing quickly*..._

I'm so pissed off I can barely see straight and that's coming from a man with three eyes!

I can't believe... No...I can believe it...You've basically described a vicious defiling scene between me and you….*_drops quail pen and squeezes pressure between eyes, shaking head_*

Ok, you are so ill in the mind I don't know where to continue. Really? Really? I still can't believe I read that whole thing.

My ruby fluids, I'm going to assume, is my blood coming from the crack of my ass where your creamy goodness is supposed to be injected right? Sooooo you're pretty much explaining that you're going to corrupt me in the most savage fashion huh? In other words, you want to rape me?

Wow...

YOU

NASTY

REPULSIVE

FUCKING

GUTTER MINDED

FOOL!

Why would you think I'd let you get that far? I'll rather kiss the rusty mechanics of Mukuro's hideous face then cry your wretched name to the heavens. Cuddle? Did you just describe me purring in your chest like some feral cat AFTER you rape me? Why would I want to be near you after my crimson goodness meshes with the creamy—I'm not even going to grace the rest of this letter with that horrid detail of stupidity.

There's no other way to explain my reaction other than asking ONCE AGAIN, has that piece of squishy equipment in your head been tampered with? Has Yomi been experimenting with your mentality?

And you're damned right I'm going to question how you've come to see me that way. I've never once invoked any type of come-on towards you, you misguided fool!

You will not be deflowering my glorified innocence in this life time! My ass is off limits to crazed Youkos with a creepy disposition for molesting young demons.

Yes I DO lack a share of male lovers BECAUSE I'M NOT INTO MALES YOU IDIOT!

*_Glares evilly at paper*_ You honestly blame me for something YOU'VE misread because of your prearranged selective hearing? Fine, I'll go ahead and clear up those issues for you before another incident like this repelling aversion occurs again.

Nine times out of ten if my shirt is gone, IT ISN'T to intentionally showcase my taunt muscles for your delight. So forgive me if you're stroking your prick, while I'm in the midst of staying alive. Nice to know where your mind is while I'm trying to fight for my life.

If you really misunderstood the fact that I'm always pissed off, then I can only imagine what you'll think if I ran my sword up your burning glory. Come to think of it, you'll probably enjoy that wouldn't you, you masochistic fool.

If I'm glaring at you, that isn't flirting. Most likely I'm secretly plotting a sinister plan in ending your miserable life and trust me yours will be coming to an end VERY SOON.

Why, why, why must you keep giving my behind a pet name like you've meet it face to face? It's not a Vermillion Pearl, it's not a Heated Cavern and it's not some type of goddamn Treasure for you to steal! It's just a hole where shit comes out…and apparently it comes from more sources then my own ass…namely that revolting mouth of yours.

Be warned you sick, twisted, manipulative, sex crazed Youko, if I should see another letter filled with more of your disenchant verbs of planned molestation of my 'SACRED ASS' I'll be using the very same sword you seem so fond of to viciously amputate your Glorious Knot of a Thousand Wonders!

Come on! Sweetened heat? Slushed pop? My gorgeous lips milking you of your—again I won't disgrace this paper with such explicit details.

*_Growls menacingly at the sheet of paper as thoughts of calculated death surface.*_ You'd better pray to whatever god you believe in that I never see your pale faced ass in this day and age or world! I'm likely to set your fucking face ablaze

Damn, I'm so pissed…. you have no idea how much I want to just….just….send you and your so called bitter creams to hell!

STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MY UNTOUCHED PEACHED PETALS OF SQUEEZED LUSCIOUSNESS , YOU LOATHSOME, SALTHY SEEDED FOX!

Signed Hiei The Future Tormentor of a certain Youko Demon!

P.S. I'm warning you fox. STAY AWAY FROM ME! I won' be responsible for my actions if I see your perverted eyes stalking my body!

P.S.S I hope you do realize I find you to be the reason why I detest being in the presence of others. For reasons like this, it's exactly why I'm hell bent on taking over both worlds.

P.S.S.S. I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

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><p><strong>TBC: What do you think? I hope it was funny guys. I couldn't help laughing myself a couple of times. Please review ^_^.<strong> **I wonder who Youko will try next lol.**


	3. Dear Yusuke

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** You guys liked Hiei's response! Yahh I'm so happy. Let's see who Yoko tries his perverted letter on next.

**Warning:** This chapter is Rated M for a certain Youko's detailed perversity ^_^.

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><p>Dear Yusuke,<p>

Due to some unfortunate threats of misguided trust issues and extreme denials on a certain fire demon's part, the focus of my thirst for youthful flesh has been deterred in your direction.

I must apologize for never noticing sooner of your molestable qualities. Your lack of demon years, the fortunate detainment of the usual mortal aging process and the spark of a thousand sun rays enlightens my beliefs that you would provide the perfect oasis to douse my liquid flow of milky fire.

You'll probably understand that my attractiveness isn't one to be ignored and like Hiei you'll fall under the spell of magical helplessness that will have you crawling on your hands and knees to be taken by yours truly.

I can vaguely remember the times we've spent together where your luscious short digit would thrust in an upward motion to congratulate your team mates for a job well done. A simple gesture for you but my eyes can see deeper then what you're expressing for our understanding.

It's very simple my sweet, delectable package of tantalizing muscles. You are to only to submit to my lechery and I'll bless you with the powerful force of my Hardened Glory in the tightened grotto of your softened flesh. Yes, I know you lack the exact know-how of taking the pleasures from another male, but that's a problem soon to be rectified.

The way Genkai has continuously demonstrated the use of your Spirit Gun, I shall display the same eagerness to teach you the way my Rugged Knot carpets your backside with the force of a gun. When the powers of your blue note are bellowed for the world's ears, I can only brace myself with a S Class's self-control to massage the pleasant ache growing and groan through my licked lips.

Ah, the way you properly point out that index, delights the flaring course of my pounding river following its sensual travel to grip my container of future heirs. The constriction and pulse of my sizable loins, longs to burst wildly inside your supple subterranean flower and ring the howls of pleasure from your music box.

Do not fret my pet. I know of your inexperience in the pleasuring of same sex demons. Do you wish to know of my secret to properly prepare your purity into a raging bowl of delicious submission? Very well I will happily tell you of the destined defiling of your Untouched Paradise.

The same fingers you use to form the barrel of a gun shall curve around the thickening ball of my Fired Handle and be stroked until you're coated with the oils of my passion. Of course I will much enjoy seeing the dribble of my pale essence sprayed on your face in a blanketed sheet of stunned bliss. The duty of my bed mate will continue as you lick away the salty temptation and beg for your Alpha to bury his Knotted Strength in you.

Does this please you? It only gets better from here and I can only imagine your inflamed squeals of child-like joy that I, Yoko Kurama, should grace his time to detail his upcoming moment of truth to steal away your chastity.

Patience my dear, in due time your petals of rosy innocence will soon be peeled away like the concealed bud it is. For now just bear the weight of this letters' undying motive of future penetration described to your liking.

Oh Yusuke, the mere image of your boyish cleanness, gripping the whole portion of my knot just sizzles the growth of my length pressing to my hakama's front. Think of the mirth screams of blooming emotions you'll stab into the night skies as my claws dig into your child bearing hips. Yes, my prick will tear and rip through your garden of blazing ecstasy until the colors of flushed scarlet paint your enchanting clinched globes of tanned glory and the ease of fuchsia darkness escapes the virginal hole of forbidden entry.

The shallow breaths of our shared pant will breeze through the atmospheres in a smoked release as you howl my name far and wide. '_Yoko, Yoko, Oh, Yoko_,' you shall cry and feel pleased at your admission of truth, for my name will become the only escape from reality you'll desire.

In our climatic finish, a hummed rumble of tranquility will buzz in your throat as your Alpha pulls his loosened knot from your blistering passage and allow the mixture of my unseen children and the beautiful sight of fresh wine leaking down the squeezable lusciousness of your thighs.

Don't worry of the tears that will soon surface from our abrupt coupling Dear Sweet One. The unnecessary leakage of your eye drops will be used for a later time when the time of our next coupling becomes more turned towards the affectionate savagery of a demon's raw lust for domination. No, you will never top the King of Thieves, but your status as his whimpering vixen will be your only duty.

Does the son of the fallen Reizan wish to know of how the great Yusuke has graced the eyes of the Almighty Yoko Kurama? Of course you do. It's only natural your youthful admiration of my raging appeal stuns you too speechless to reply.

In the years you've grown, the bulk of your maturity has stirred the promise of future handsomeness in your body's development. Someday the same withered structure of tiny muscles will become fully bloomed into the tightened peaches plumped within your flesh.

Like the fruits of Makai your sugary produce will soon ripen for my claws to puncture the juices of sweetness and drank like the purest sake made by the Great Sages. The crops of patience will be my just reward for being the first to harvest it with the works of my Swollen Shovel, digging deeper and deeper still, until your sacred landscape is soiled with my likeness. The dressings of my cultivated salts will forever be the burden secured within your womb and nestle the honesty of my wonders.

The sight of those very eyes merged by the thick hue of the darkest tree bark, have haunted me whenever you spread the curl of your lips and the sparkle of mischief blares within their depth. It's all I can bear not to honey the round orbs with the gloss of pearled adoration. A picture perfect moment of your tanned body spawned over the silks of my spoils is a sight of approaching fondness, we'll both look forward too.

My list of discovered wonders of your brazen loveliness could go on forever and ever the more the thoughts of quickened blue shadows move over your body from the stretch of my frame covering you like a thunder storm.

For now, the words of upcoming molestation shall take its end here with my few remaining words of affection. Take care to stick the saccharine tips of your fingers in the fire of your heavenly blaze, for soon it will be overwhelmed with the enlarged Terror of The Lands diving it's thick flesh deep within. Your body's craving for me will drown from the overloaded shots of ashen bullets filled with my hot fluids.

Brace yourself for the powerful Yoko's return Yusuke Urameshi and think of the slicked roughness of my wet organ tracing the once-in-a-blue-moon tattoos of your frame. Alas it is the only thought I can offer you until my arrival to Human World. But upon arrival look upon your window sill for the Silver Devil stroking his swell knot for you.

It'll be a memory you'll never forget.

Signed the Thieving Fox of Stolen Virgins.

P.S. I have planted a yellow flower in your lawn used for the lubrication process, though I doubt you'll need it. The natural punishment of red fluids will be enough to polish your Slippery Cavity.

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><p><strong>TBC: Oh boy...How do you think Yusuke's going to react? ^_^<strong>


	4. Dear Child Molesting Youko

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** Yah! I'm so happy. You guys really do like the letters ^_^*squeals* Yes I have to send a letter to Kuwabara and Kurama (red head, though that'll be weird lol.)

**Warning:** Rated T for foul language and Yusuke's wanted destruction of a certain Fox demon.

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><p>Dear Disgusting, Fucked-Up-In-The-Head, You're-So-Dead-When-I-See-You, Pedophile, Fox Man,<p>

We're going to sum up this entire fucked letter of big words into a few tiny adjectives you and I can understand...

NASTY

GROSS

JAIL BAIT TRAP

EWW (Yes that will be the tiniest word and probably the best one to define this nasty, yucky, gross, pathetic piece of trash for paper.)

You know I'm not as stupid as you think I am, but just so you know I really couldn't understand half the shit written on that letter that somehow magically landed on my windowsill. So I figured in respect of my fellow team mate, I'd let Keiko interpret it for me.

I just want to say fucking thank you for landing me in the fucking ER for a flattened skull, three cracked ribs and a swollen nut sack! The next time I want a letter filled with confusing words all defined as wanting to stick your dick up my ass I'll call you.

Dude, a thousand year old demon trying to fuck a fifteen year old teenager? I'm fifteen! Isn't there some type of law protecting me from child molesters like you? Come on, I'm not even legal and you're already planning me having your children! Yes Keiko told me everything. Sheesh my child bearing hips? I'm a man!

Oh jolly joy, guess what? She was gracious enough to come visit me at the hospital with an apple. (That's fucking sarcasm too you prick…) _*Shakes head furiously and erases terrible 'p' word*_ I'm not even going to bring a freaky smile to that cat-like face of yours with that word. Keiko decided to reread the letter for me but for some reason each time she got to the really graphic parts my arm was pinched and twisted, so AGAIN, I want to thank you for another inflicted injury. My arm's so goddamn purple, I thought I was growing plums.

Ya know? I honestly believe you wrote this thinking that I'm some illiterate retard who doesn't know how to use a dictionary. HA think again asshole!

So I figured out a lot of this shit on my own during the cold nights staying in the hospital. Which by the way will be your new home VERY SOON ya jerk. Granted, it took me a full week to understand with Kurama's help (Because Keiko wouldn't stop pinching the fucking meat off my arms) but now that everything's cleared up for me, I can curse you out properly and explain why.

First let's begin by clearing up one important misunderstanding. I…AM…NOT…GAY…YOU…FUCKING…IDIOT!

I'm not a fucking sweetie pie, sugar plum fairy, jolly rancher licker, your flowery dancing buttercup, a prancing cross dancer, or whatever the hell the swirly people go by these days. I don't know where you got the idea that I was into guys, but I would've thought that me touching Keiko's ass would've been a fucking clue that I'm not into that!

Thanks AGAIN for making me the laughing stock of the whole Spirit Team you asshole! Seriously? You've given my ass crack nicknames and your dick these superior warlord titles? Get the fuck outta here.

You're not going to shove your Hardened Glory in my Tightened Grotto, in other words my wet asshole like I have diarrhea, anytime soon you scatter brained twit! (Ha something I've learned from Genkai)

_*Smiles proudly then frowns*_

Speaking of Genkai, you mean to tell me you've watched that old hag torture me? And you got off on seeing me point my Spirit Gun? And my thumbs up? Oh my God that means you've been jacking off since the day we've met! _*Looks worriedly around himself* _I've been using my Spirit Gun like crazy! Christ, you're in love with seeing a blue light shot…out…of…my…finger…?

Oh Man, I just caught on to that! You're so gross!

_*Kicks feet in bed wildly* _Oh my god I can't believe we've got a child molesting thief trapped in my friend's body trying to fuck my ass. MY ASS...Listen you idiot my ass is just that, an ASS! Stop, I repeat, STOP giving it these twisted conjured up beauty pageant names!

My Petals of Rosy Innocence? Peeled? Ahhhhh I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill you!

I am NOT going to stroke your Fire Handle, which is another sadly implied name for your dick. What demon pornos have you been watching? Did you steal Sensui's Black Tape? Is that why it's so forbidden to be seen by humans, demons or pretty much underage people? Wow, no wonder Koenma had it trapped in the vault. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if the Fucking King of Thieves broke inside Spirit World just to cope a feel of his own sack of _'Unseen Children'_ by watching that shit.

You said the duty of a bed mate is to lick the cum off your_….*Screams crazily and scratches out perverted details* _Why do you want to rape me? I don't get it. What have I ever done to you to get my Garden of Blazing Ecstasy ripped apart? Is fuchsia darkness supposed to be blood? Because it says it'll escape my asshole and fuchsia is a girly red color so it must be blood.

I don't want to cry your name to the heavens, I don't even want to be around you. So why would we be fucking each other outside in the cold?

And again you created a bunch of fancy words to explain you wanting to rape me.

Don't worry about tears? I'm fucking crying now because I'm terrified for my clinched tanned glories.

Man, I can't wait until I turn eighteen so my molestabilities can fall off your radar.

Know what? Never mind I'm fucked both ways (NO PUN INTENDED) Because if I stay a kid, you'll try to eat me since you keep describing my body parts like fiery snacks, and if I grow up you'll only try to make me your vixen or bed mate or whatever the hell inquires about ass sex.

You think I'm going to keep working out after I find out some freaky fox is out there waiting for me to pump up my muscles? HA, fat chance asshole. I'm going on a Slim Me Down diet, so ha! Suck on that!

No, No, No, No, No, No, No, don't suck on anything!

If you like my brown eyes so much, don't worry I'll be fixing that very soon. Thank God Mom's got health insurance. I'm having all types of cosmetic surgery to fix every fucking thing you think seems so delicious. That way I'm safe from your Swollen Shovel digging in my sacred landscape.

By the way, why do you keep thinking it's clever to write how good I look with your nasty, what did you call it? Silky spoils? Glossed pearl of ador…ador…abomination? It all means nasty in my limited vocabulary!

I don't want to be covered and licking your cultivated salts! Where do you get this shit from?

And finally just when I think it can't get any worst you ask me to stick my own fingers up my ass. Why would I want to do that? You want me to rape myself while I think about you? What sick, twisted world of evil do you live in?

You KNOW what? I think I know what the hell's wrong with you. Yea, it makes perfect sense now. Ever since Karasu blew you into next Monday you've been acting strange. _*Shivers*_ He was a psychotic freak too. He talked about killing people and fucking their dead bodies and now you're trying to molest teenagers.

Geez I hope you rot in Limbo forever you creep.

I don't want to think about you licking my tattoos! Is that the only nice thing you could say after scarring my mind with all of these giant words for future rape? GAHHHH!

I swear to every holy name in the three worlds, I hope you do land on my window stroking yourself you Silver Fucked Up Devil! I'm going to Shot Gun your ass until Koenma grows up! Let's see if you like my blue light then!

I guarantee it'll a memory you never forget.

Signed, The Spirit Gang Leader Who's Virginity Will Forever Be Kept Safe Because of a Makai and Human Restraining Order Placed.

P.S. That yellow flower? Yea I found it in my mom's tomato garden. Guess what? Ever heard of weed whacker?

P.S.S. My fifteen years have been damaged because of you. I fell asleep and woke up screaming like a bitch because I thought I saw you on my window. I'm so hyped up on caffeine I can race Chu and still have energy to spare.

P.S.S.S. To The Notorious Yoko Kurama, This is A High Level Restraining Order, placed by Yusuke Urameshi. By order of the current demon ruler Enki, You are not to come within a thousand feet of Reizan's Child until we deem you safe of interacting with said person_….*Correction*_ You are not to come within a thousand meters of said demon child until further notice. Thank You.

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><p><strong>TBC: You know, <strong>**LostCause6661 ****made a good point. Do you guys think it should go past the Spirit Gang? Like Chu, Jin, Touya, Yomi (maybe)? I'm not much a fan for the girls (funny because I'm a girl myself lol) It just seems more fun with the guys lol. **

**Anyway I wonder who'll be next. Kuwabara or Kurama ^_^. Please review.**


	5. Dear Shuichi

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** *Tears and sniffles* Thank you so much guys. I have to admit I was using Yu Yu Hakusho as a guinea pig to see how it'd be trying another community but everyone is just so kind here, it makes me so happy. So as for whom Yoko should try next, I debated on this forever and I mediated like crazy but my decision was finally made and I hope you guys don't mind. But I figured a certain someone would be saved best for last. ^_^

**Warnings:** Rated M for a certain Youko's third attempt at achieving a molestable candidate.

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><p>*<em>By the way Yoko and Shuichi are separated beings for this letter<em>.*

Dear Shuichi Minamino,

Because of Makai's warrant placed for my arrest and the constant threat upon my life if I should wander within a currently two thousand meter radius of our fearless leader, I have come to the conclusion that only you, my Rosy Young Beauty, are my last resort at obtaining the affections of my animalized salaciousness. The original plan for defiling the supple bodies of your and our handsome team mates will have to be doubly supported by your pinked flesh of sweetened nectars.

You have gone without my touch for far too long, young Shuichi. For years I've watched the crimson tresses of my prodigy flutter happily through the fields of battle, like loosened wild petals traveling the winds current. Well no longer shall I allow such depravity to continue. It has been determined by the pit of beating heart that you are indeed capable of sharing the gentle heat waves of my adultery.

Applaud yourself little human for this rewarding discovery means the future of your well-kept virginity will be stolen by the dawn of the new moon's nightly glow. It's a purpose you should've fulfilled years ago my Lovely Bloom. By the time you'd hit your twelfth summer, the opening of your sealed essentials should've been carrying the projectiles of my silent kits. Alas I shall have to make do with the tawny body no one has been fortunate to witness but myself.

Yes, this may surprise even you my Cool Minded Kit, but since the separation that's blessed our minds with different forms, I have stood on the windows of your bedroom and bathroom, watching the plushed scarlet of refined silk be brushed and combed to your content. During those times it seems you enjoy prancing around without clothing, and are quite comfortable to sit and hum in a sensual purr that sends my blood to a boil.

Soon, my dear, soon your hums will become a harmonic different tune of music. One that edges toward the increasing octaves of a pleasured vixen prepared for the taking. Though you may appear human to all, the blood of my existence still courses in you, thus sating my desires for a demonic bed mate.

Since I know your personality as well as any elder, I'm sure you're sitting there quite perplexed to be reading this letter. Well suffice to say, I know you'll deny my foresighted advances for a potential lover, but the fact remains that you're the only youth I wish to plunder viciously and to be brutally honest…

…You don't have any choice…

You may frown, weep, thrash or simply lift that handsome crimson eyebrow of yours in confusion or speechless denial but make no mistake that I, Yoko Kurama, will be claiming your Ember of Purity very soon. You will succumb to my Raging Knot's fulfillment and whimper like the satisfying piece of sugar you are.

You mustn't continue this adjuration my fair kit. It'll only bring you a source of inner depression of being approached by my glorious radiance. Yes, I know it's quite a shock that someone as devilishly handsome as I would want to purge your Raptured Lilies of their internal Fires but consider the possibilities this will bring you.

Not only would my sexual tensions be released and fully compensated for the years of tortured strokes of my swelling prick, but I'll able to relieve the pent up fantasies of hearing a young man's plumped red lips, screaming my title. Shuichi, your need to only mumbled the words of that human textbook will be no more. By the scheduled date of your coming assault, only a simple four letter word will be all you're able to speak. Every other type of syllable will seem as a moot point after our coupling of combusted blazes.

Do you wish to know how I will ravish that young body of yours? Your lips may say no…your head may shake its disagreement… but I say yes.

Through the teachings I so graciously bestowed you, the knowledge of using things of an impressive length should come as no surprise. For instance, the elegance you possess of handling our combined Rose Whip could be used similarly to the grasp of my Budding Erosion. I will ravish in the daze of increased passion as your glistened fingers transform into the caress of your pulsing lips to saturate the fuzz of my seed holder licking the under currents and traveling it's way to the tip of my swollen prick's skin. Do not fear the ill intelligence of displeasing your elder, Sweet Bumble Bee. I will guide the curve of your crown and press it down till it brushes the back of your throat.

The harsh gags of discomfort may come as a surprise but do not worry. It's all in my favor of pleasuring for the main course.

Mmm oh yes my delectable little Fire Lily, your reign of swaying those luscious hips will soon be your very downfall. For ages those narrowed span of feminine blessed portions have cursed me with an ever growing arousal that can only be quenched by the thirst of your Virginal Cavity. You've teased me relentlessly with the skills of a vixen in heat, practically begging for her Alpha's seduction.

Well, you've succeeded my love. You're lured this Silver Blazer into your trap and like the bee being coaxed into the garden's lands, I shall drench your Sweetened Honey Combs. Purr my sweet for it brings me a mirth joy. I will watch you peel away those disgusting clothes until you lie bare in the creamy nude and beg me to fill your cavern with my children.

'_Oh Yoko I need you'_ I hear you say as the tips of your finger seek out the silky wetness of your fleshy organ.

Little do you know my Robust Little Seducer, that Yoko's Knot of Terror will tear apart your innocence and release that flood of carmine nectar. Yes, let it flow until it pinkens with the mesh of our future children. Your face will crunch and wail in soundless cries as your legs enclose their lengthen measure around my waist, begging for the stabbing pain.

Scream and whine my Tantalizing Beauty, for it brings thrill to your predator to devour his prey. The globes of your tanned orbs shall fill the palms of my hands for the fluffed cottony texture they are. The halo of spilled blood said spread over the grassy meadows from the toss and whimpered turn of your head overwhelmed with coupling, will further my quickened pace to sabotage any tightened muscles until they lie loosened and destroyed.

Cry, oh cry If you can but the hardened thrusts of my Steeled Stem will burn down your Pure Forest.

Let Spirit World hear our combined cries of sated unity as our peaked culmination lessens from its risen pinnacle. The finalized manifestation of your wildest fantasies will become a ringed truth in the winds once your river of copper rawness sleeks the inners of your sizable thighs. Though the salts of agony may burn your eyes, do not fret Little Flower the support of my thickened chest shall act as your only means of salvation.

Curl by my side and hum away your poetic dreams Gentle Lips, until slumber takes you into the same magical dreams of being assailed by yours truly.

Allow the hidden emerald sparkle of lust glimmer through your endless denial Shuichi, for soon it shall all become reality and your methods of disbelief will become an enforced conclusion.

Take the mentions of our future intercourse into focus Rose Blossom and cling to the thoughts of my Citrus Flow scorching the inners of your Unsoiled Gardens. Soon the untouched dirts of your Stainless Walls will crumble to the hands of Yoko Kurama.

Until the night of the new moon, my Sweetened Fruit of Delight. Pleasure the Unmarred Temples of Fire with you're the slender lengths of your delicate digits for it shall soon be blemished with the scars of my Thorned Vine of Love.

Signed, The Future Sire for Our Littered Thieves.

P.S. Don't think my letter a mere joke of trades Shuichi Minamino. Either be prepared for my visit or expect a humorous surprise of a lustful night in your bedding.

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><p><strong>TBC: Ohhh poor Shuichi…Lol I wonder what he's going to say to this. Please review ^_^. <strong>


	6. Dear Hellbound Youko

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant**: Ok guys, the reason it's taken me a while to work on Shuichi's letter is because he doesn't curse. I've only heard him say 'Damn and Hell' probably twice in the series. Sooo please forgive the dry humor laced through his proper insults. ^_^.

**Warning:** Well Rated T for Shuichi AND Shiori's disturbed response to the secret molester.

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><p>Dear Child Molesting, Spineless, Gutter Minded, Rapest from the Deepest Cores of Limbo.<p>

Hmm how well should one respond to the depressing fool who wrote out the gruesome scene to possibly the most horrid ending of a young male's nightmares?

Well my Fair Yoko, as tempting as it sounds to have my anal so savagely defiled by the wrongly implied titles of your swelling hard-on, I'm afraid that I must _dis_-respectively decline. Perhaps you should change your plans for detailing the perfect organized plots for pillaging your fellow team mates, to more suitable tasks, such as removing the warrant I've put out for your arrest for constant harassment of the highest kind by ripping apart _my supple body_ as you call it.

Though the Makai police won't be able to save you from the very wrath of evil you've stirred within the very bosom of my chest. Since receiving that gruesome display of words describing the massive destruction upon my rear end, I've had nothing but rather disturbing moments of panicked shock, believing the darkness of your shadow looms near my bedroom window. You have my eternal gratitude for shaming me into believing that I had some sort of privacy in my own home when I used to be able to 'prance around in my nudity.' Alas such a privilege has been sabotaged because of your nauseate perversity of openly staring at my body.

I now cover all of my vital attractiveness from all prying eyes.

You dare to implore me to applaud actions I did not encourage in any way, shape or form? I've never done anything of the sort to make you attracted to me. The accidental flow of my hair? Well now the entirety shall be incised to the shortest roots of my scalp to ensure that not a single piece remains to further enhance your needs for my flowing crimson tresses. My supposed virginity of sanity was never met to be touched by your hands you poor excuse for a corrupted demon.

Perhaps the concept of UNDERAGE SEXUAL CONTACT IS FORBIDDEN doesn't apply in Makai but it does in HUMAN WORLD. You will go to jail for that. I'm currently seeking Koenma's permission to have Animal Patrol pursue a very described picture of a certain silver fox that enjoys bolting around our high school openly ogling the arrival of spiffy young men.

I must congratulate you in your achieved mission for troubling my personality enough to cease any future usage of my mother's gift. Yes that expensive radio has now been destroyed into a mechanical heap of useless wires and tunes in the deepest pits of the city dumpster. My hums of laughter have become whimpers of grief because of my assailing due-date quickly approaching. I simply want you to know that I demise the very air you breathe and shall continue to pray for the very blades of grass that are unfortunate graced with the repetitive steps of your vile presence. I hope your carcass is feasted upon by the deadliest earth worms and maggots known to mankind.

What probably held my attention most of all were five simple words you've managed to make the most noticeable in the entire letter. Give me a moment as I shall kindly remind you of the ignorance you've written…

…_You don't have any choice…_

In brazen definition, you're pretty much demanding that I have no other options except to allow my Virginal Cavity to be plummeted by my Alpha's what? Knot of Terror? Please try another way of describing your enlarged groin. I grow weary of hearing how terrifying it is.

Those were the exact words, you either wrote in a moment of temporary insanity or a disturbed writer's block.

My denial isn't some conjured method of relief, you damnable fen. I KNOW for a fact I do not wish to couple with that of a male especially a sex starved, elder fox demon with a taste for anal blood. Sorry to disappoint *_erases last three words_*—actually I'm not sorry— that your Raging Knot fulfillment WON'T be fulfilled within the grasp of my so called Ember of Purity.

Don't assume that I'm shocked to have received this organized letter of degrading syllables. Yusuke and Hiei have both received and rejected your advances. Though I must thank you for retiring the team's faith in me. Now my own comrades seem to believe I shall one day send them a letter in the most thorough details of how I plan to ravish their bodies in the most humiliating form. *_Shakes head*_ Such a horrendous course of actions is too tasteless even for my murderous reputation.

By the way I've also come to notice your unbelievable incisions that I'm to suffer little to no sexual attention during the course of your rape. Am I to simply lie there like a desperate female while you gag me with the length of your swelling prick? Dear Gods of Inari what has come over this fen's desires for ruptured descriptions of a pathetic coupling of only selfish gains?

I gain absolutely nothing from any of your sated pleasures. At the very least allow me some mode of digity by sticking my own prick down your throat. I'm sure you've swallowed your fair share of seeds in the past. On honestly, the mere written impression of me purring into your sweaty disgusting chest is completely beneath me.

I'm afraid that the only honest goodness that came from this grousing disease of a letter is the very ending where I could no letter see the written details that are supposed to occur on the New Moon.

If you so desire for the burrowed petals of my purity by all means please invite yourself to my window sill. A surprise of the upmost menacing maliciousness shall be waiting to seal your doom within the chambers of my laboratory in the basement. The rules of care will not apply about the laws of torturous murder, when I use the sharpest tools to cut away at your Thorn Vine of Love. ligament, by agonizing stretch of ligament.

Oh but do not cease your readings my dear Yoko. Shuichi Minamino has learned from the best of how to ensure that his enemies bow to the mercies of his predator.

Do you wish to know how I shall torment your body? Your sadistically relished mind properly confuses the implication towards sexual passion but don't worry I'll allow the true definition to be discovered on your own accord. Needles from the sharpest thorns of Makai will be driven viciously up the urinal hole of your Knot until the bloods of despair roll down your eyes.

Does this amuse you, My Dear Creator? No…Oh dear…perhaps I haven't been well detailed in the methods of torture. Suffice to say I do much better with demonstrations rather than written instructions. So if you wish to be the guinea pig of my building rage, please come forth upon the night of the New Moon. I'll remind you of what exactly you've created in this world.

Until the assailing evening arrives you poor excuse for a conjured up fantasy creature.

Signed The Poisonous Viper that'll strike at the least expecting moment.

P.S. Keep watch of your surroundings you loathsome canine. I blame you for the constant cover-ups of my body from the world.

* * *

><p>Dear…Umm Sir who wants to rape my son?<p>

I'm terribly sorry to inform you Unknown Man of My Son's Nightmares, but your Citrus Flow isn't allowed in his Unsoiled Gardens. He's supposed to give me grandchildren someday but I don't think he can bear your children. Whatever hippy beliefs you have towards Man Bearing teenagers is a strictly unspoken discussion in my home.

I've managed to keep his Unmarred Temples of Fire doused for the pass sixteen years and will very much appreciate you not trying to tear his prostate to ribbons. But just in case, I've scheduled a doctor's appointment to be sure you haven't assaulted his innocence in his sleep.

Why have you called his delicate bottom tanned globes? How are you aware of the coloration of my son's rear? Oh dear…*_Nervously looks out kitchen window_.* You're not some sort of perverted peeping tom are you? I must warn you now, my son is very precious to me and I won't hesitate to unleash my can of mace I keep saved in my purse. I also keep a well charged Taser in my husband's sock drawer. Don't make me use it to its full twenty thousand volts of power. I'm not a very violent person, so please understand if you're burned to a crisp. I love my son.

It's because of terrible animals like you that make young men afraid to go out in your shirtless displays because of your hungry needs to purge them of their anal virginities. If you have a disturbing crush on Shuichi all you have to do is be a proper gentleman and ask for my blessings to take him out. Though your chances are probably slim to none after reading that disturbing letter I found balled up in the garbage.

Don't think me evil but if I should find your creepy eyes looking through one of my windows….well…I'm sorry but I also keep a Cock .46 revolver stuffed safely in my drawer. I've only used it once on a pair of eyes I caught looking through my son's window.

I'm happy to say Hiei's came out of the hospital just fine…

But I don't think you will. Please don't rape my son and I won't shoot you.

Have a blessed day and I hope you find divine devotion in the afterlife of eternal damnation for encasing my son's mind with terrible dreams of your hideous words of bloody rape.

Signed A Rather Concerned Mother, Shiori.

P.S. I doubt it matters by now, but my husbands does keep a elephant rifle in our closet. I've never used it before…but there's first time for everything.

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><p><strong>TBC: Sheesh doing their's was super tough. Oh man, glad that's over. ^_^. Anyway please review and tell me what you think.<strong>


	7. Dear Kuwabara

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** Hey guys. Thanks for the reviews. Sorry I was taking a break after finishing one of my stories but I'm ready to get it on with the next one. Now it's time for half of the building excitement…Yoko's letter to Kuwabara! By the way I absolutely adore Kuwabara so don't hate me for this letter. Please excuse grammar mistakes^_^

**Warning:** Rated M for Yoko's evil twisted thoughts on ravishing his teammate's….well you know.

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><p>Dear Kuwabara,<p>

Through less then saddened words, I must finally comply with the issues of an ailing heart that you, My Disgruntled Figure of the Dead, shall have to be the final cure to my grueling insanity. My attempts for the moistened glory of Yusuke, Hiei and my fair Shuichi have been deterred due to unspeakably grotesque's vows of vengeance upon my life. Though I cannot deny the anticipation of finally sating the whims of my aching desires, I can say it's not the formidable rut I'd hoped for.

In laments terms, the thought of having to succumb to the usage of your overly muscular body leaves a sour taste of venomous despair on my tongue. Human victims leave no purr of satisfaction but you by far are the most repulsive creature to ever breathe the scent of my presence. I can barely stand to witness your clumsy prance in combat let alone want to ravish it with the Harden Glory of my prick.

However, due to previous circumstances—which I won't speak of—your brawny youth of hefty homely features will have to do. My notice of you was purposely averted from the cold fact of foul deformity that graced you because of the loveliness that fell from the aura's of our comrades. You lack the silken tresses of ebony pearl or crimson gold, though you do possess the tangled muck of a twisted swamp. Your herculean build leaves much to be desired for my tastes lend towards those of a slender feminine form. The rounded dark beads you possess for eyes don't hold the same shimmer of seduction as others but do contain the lowered twinkle of charmed existence.

Nonetheless…. you'll just have to do.

Try to understand Human, that my appealing form will more than likely send you into a grave depression, knowing that the likes of you doesn't deserve to witness my utter perfection. The very ground I walk on blooms with the life of beauty more than misshapen boulders sadly labled your face.

Be grateful that the King of Thieves has even muttered—in a span of mindless ignorance—to consider you a loathsome candidate for his Fired Seed of Eternal Pleasures, though you deserve none. A lonely human of your stature cannot begin to understand my sorrow of anguish for having to relinquish the slender toned devils for the hulked bulge of tightened revolt.

Yes feign surprise of my interests if you will, for it matters not. You're weak and poorly prepared for the assault of my defilement of that Ring of Crinkled Disgust. Come, three days I shall wait until the moment of the darkest hour and swoop in to take my bounty to the deepest forests of Makai where no one shall hear your screams of agony…or witness the shame of my lowered qualities.

Of course I'm sure this doesn't please you to know of the soon-to-be torture of your rectal but you should feel privileged at the thought of a creature as desirable as I to want the floods of a human. Don't bother with the ideas of plotting an early attempt to fake your attraction towards me child. I knew of your hidden boyish delights for my body the instant we met during the dark tournament.

Well, your concealed prayers for the fantasies of being ravished by the Silver Fox's Enormous Growth will be fulfilled, much to my dislike and probably to the heightened joys of yourself. As I did the others, I will give the briefest details of what you will expect in the throes of my selfish passion as you squirm in your human contraption chortling with the tone of a female.

Through the winds of a hollowed glee, you will slowly—and knowing the terror of your motor skills—stumble into the spread of my arms and plead for the heat of our passion to soil the flowers. Indeed the flowers that will hold more beauty then the hideous image of that Knotted Pile of Flesh titled your face. The cracked line of your lovely lips will bring an injured frown upon my brow as I study the wrinkled lines of past attacks victoriously done by Yusuke himself.

The haste of our unfortunate coupling will be a fastened surprise for you but one not soon to be forgotten. The chilled winds of the night's peaceful gleam will shower you with the moon's ominous glow, bestowing the darkened shadows on that repugnant smile.

A smile, which I cannot return.

My services will be completed first when the dried lips that shriek louder than banshees, wraps around my hardened delight and suckle it to your heart's content. Yesss my Glorious Gargoyle of the Night. Feast upon the enchanting lusciousness for it shall never be repeated again. Nurse the tip with the savage coral thickness in your mouth until the creams of my Ashen Lava strangles the windpipes of that ragged voice rivaling a thousand flamed needles.

Do not be shocked of the unmerciful rough gag to follow as I squeeze out the remainder of my kits down your throat. It's the least of your worries my Sugary Fool.

You should hold concern for the jutted arrows of yours clutched between my claws as I pull you in for the most important blessing of your wildest dreams. But for the precautionary safety of my eyes, the beastly features of your mug shall be buried deep into the grass' cold midnight dews. The haunting grief of piercing those folded stones of flesh, fairly quench my animalistic appetite but still stirs the raise of my knot's needs for youthful plundering.

Be still young one, for the plummeting stab of my Flaming Sword is nothing to take lightly.

Like the blade of your energized weapon, my Tool of Blister will burn through the cores of your soul and rip away the tantalizing meats of that tough interior until it softens with your own scarlet essence. Clinch your polished rocks of strength if you wish but it won't deter the force of my Manifested Knife as I continue to thrust its sharpened point into the stored secret of your Blazed Filter Cavity.

Cry your timid roar of pain for I reeved from the teetered defeat of my prey's whines. Let out that robust tingle of unmanly woes, as the thunderous blaze of fire scorches to the edge of no return. Let it out you Hideous Display of Unforgiving Tragic Sweetness. Complete the mission your body's soaring snarls until I release the passions of my cream deep within your coiled pinkness.

Ah, yes. The illusion of those red droplets purging from the inners of that Monstrous Gorge will please me indeed as it slips away to follow the retreating pearls of my seed, seething down your thighs.

Purr if you will but you won't be graced with the support of my chest as the ground will be good enough for the landing of that weighty head. If tears of neglect soon arouse, I shall not care. You are simply too much of a disastrous soul for me to look upon after giving you a delicious ordeal. Slumber will soon follow and let the offered flowers of Maki be your pillow for come morning I will return you to your home.

But do not fret my Ill Flavored Beauty. If it were not for the refusals/denials of our teammates you would not be granted the eve of Yoko Kurama's Magical Talents. Be fearful of my deeds for I am not a cushioned lover, but a rouge killer of the anal glories. Until then my Luscious Beauty of the Underworld, treat yourself to the pleasures of your own soaked digits until my arrival tomorrow night.

It'll be the night of your untamed dreams coming true.

Signed the Handsome Silver Entity of Your Dreams, Yoko Kurama.

P.S. If you should own a mask of some sort, please bring it along when we leave. I'd hate to pity the crunched show of your Disfigured Allure.

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><p><strong>TBC: Guys, I DO love Kuwabara and in all honesty I DO NOT think he's ugly. Don't worry he'll get his say in soon enough ^_^.<strong>


	8. Dear Freaky Youko

**Disclaimer:** I own nada and make nada.

**Author's Rant:** Sorry for the wait sweeties. It seems a lot of you were waiting for Kuwabara's response so without further ado let's see what the cute carrot top has to say to Yoko's insults/rape interests. I realllly hope you like it. Please excuse grammar mistakes. ^_^

**Warning:** Rated T for a very pissed off Kazuma.

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><p>Dear Yucky, Disgusting, Creepy, Have-You-Lost-Your-Mind, Nasty, Sexual Maniac, Fox Thing<p>

When a person gets a letter in his mailbox—especially a fifteen year old man—the last thing he expects to get is…is…What in the seven rings of hell was that? A grossed out message pretty much saying YOU WANT ME to kick your ass after school! You want to do WHAT with my WHAT and tear it open with WHAT?

My mouth hit the ground so many times, I think I lost a tooth.

Oh excuse me if I'm the ugliest thing next to creation. So you're just going to settle with raping me like it's no big deal?

What…the…hell…? Do you think I'm some big stupid bully who doesn't know how to interpret big fancy words for raping my asshole? YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! How can you live with yourself? What you go around picking out random guys and say they're too ugly to rape but you're going to do it anyway because you're bored? Agh what an asshole.

I don't like you either you stupid jerk! And what freaking beauty are you talking about? You look like some big eared weirdo out to eat kitties. Man I gotta buy the same mirror you have.

Oh yea and thanks a lot for calling me all types of ugly in twenty different languages you Ass Wipe. Yea that's doing wonders for a teenager's self-esteem. Thanks for that. (That's a little something called sarcasm, do you understand that?) _*Pulls out thesaurus* _Here, Shizuru gave me this big book after she finished reading your letter

….I couldn't understand why the hell she was laughing so hard. She kept saying she had to go to the store to buy some Vaseline because I was going to need it and to relax when you showed up. But hell I didn't know you were even coming until AFTER she threw the letter at me and left laughing like the stupid witch she is. Now thanks to you my own sister thinks I'm a super swirl.

I can't believe you had the nerve to say you're what? _*Peeks at rape letter again_* you're saddened because you have to resort to using my precious ass as a substitute? Well what about me? You called me a goddamn zombie and what, I'm supposed to feel overjoyed with gay happiness that you choose me DEAD LAST to be your rape puppy? Ewwwwwww you're so gross! I don't want to be your rape puppy! I don't want to do a freaky fox! I'm not into beasties! Ugh Man I swear go fuck yourself.

You're so sick and nasty and gross and just plain wrong! I don't even like guys! I fucking hate Hiei's Shrimpy ass, I can't stand Urameshi and hell Kurama looks like a girl so I can live with him but you…. Wait… Hold on…YOU STUPID JERK! I DON'T LIKE GUYS! Are you stuck on stupid? What on earth made you even _*pulls out big book again*_ Fa…fa…Fathom… that stupid idea?

Ya know what? No, no, wait I know what's wrong. You must've drank some more of Suzuka's magic swirly potion right? _*Slaps self on forehead_* Oh man now it makes perfect sense. The way he walked and talked and all that other shit just screamed C7AY. No wonder you're out looking for ripping everyone a new one. Ah man I swear I'm kicking his ass for this.

My life is officially over. Not only do I have to worry about graduating High School, but now I got some psycho demon molester out to take my manly virginity.

Oh my god—How and when did you grow the hairy balls to write me this nasty piece of crap?…ME? How could you send this to ME? The most homophobic man, on earth this kind of letter? You think I should be grateful you wanna rape me? Why? Why? Why? Why? Freaking Why? I don't want that nasty—what did you call it? Hell you gave it a million different names…whatever I just don't want it stuck between my ass cheeks.

My teacher always says that my bottom is made to excrete a human's wastes but YOU want to stick something forbidden inside.

_*Begins to freak out looking nervously out window.*_ Oh man I don't want you to rape me! Why do you think I make sure to stay out of jail? If I wanted a man's dick shoved up my ass don't you think I'd be wearing my sister's hip huggers or some pretty red lip stick?

By the way you can get that weird idea out of your head because I'M NOT going to dress up like a woman but shoot dressing like a man doesn't seem to work either huh? *_Sighs*_ I used to be a proud man but after reading this?...Man, all of my self-confidence is pretty much shot.

I mean I came home happy as ever because of I beat up most of that new gang from down town and when I open my mail box what do I get? A creeped out letter saying how ugly I am, how much you want to tear apart my asshole like it's the best thing next to a cheeseburger, my sister laughing her ass off and to add insult to injury…You tell me that when it's all over you're going to make me lay on the ground covered in blood, dirt, and tears….

I hate you…No seriously I mean it… I really, really hate you. I hate your face, I hate your fancy words for ugly rape, I hate that you made my sister laugh at me, I hate that you even wrote this crap and I hate that I'm going to have to move out of town to get away from your ass.

I just want to say if this was some kind of sick joke, you win. I'm officially scared shitless. I don't trust any of my friends. Because if you look like Kurama…most likely you'll come out of nowhere dressed like Urameshi and…Eww I'm already suspicious about him since he wanted to kiss me before.

So tough cookies you jerk. I'm not at home any more. I'm on my way to out of town for a few decades.

Yes I ran away from home because there's nothing there but a cackling witch he want shut her face about me giving you ass babies.

So you Rough Killer of the Anal Glories…I hate to break it to ya but my Monstrous Gorge is only for my Sweet Yukina to ravish.

Good luck finding another loser's ass to tear apart because mines isn't on the menu….Nasty creeper.

Signed The Man Who'll Come Back to Kick Your Ass Another Day to Save His Manly Virginity from Foxy Freaks Like You.

P.S. I took my cat with me. I know you have a taste for ANYTHING that moves since you're out raping kids you'll probably eat cats too…By the way...You're going jail.

P.S.S. I have the police on speed dial so don't even come looking for me.

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><p><strong>TBC: Ooook I really hope you had a good laugh at this one. I know Kuwabara doesn't cuss that much so please bear with me. I'll be marking this as complete for now because I'm going to get to work on my first KuramaHiei romance story. I really hope you guys will be interested in reading it when I have it posted. ^****_^**


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